My Plea to the Grumpy People. Or At Least, the Non-Smilers…

YOUR SMILE is like

P U R E G O L D. ❤️

Don’t UNDERestimate the power and impact your SMILING FACE has on…

YOU, most importantly ❤️,

Your Love Partner,

Your kids,

Strangers, Etc.

I wanna skip to STRANGERS.

Our families most likely get most of our attention… as they should. And your COMMUNITY needs you too. The people that you don’t know need you more than you know. More than ever, people are feeling detached and disconnected from others.

I’m not one to rant, but I can’t help but notice the seemingly grumpy people in the grocery store. I’m defining “grumpy” as those shopping in the grocery store that don’t look at or engage with anyone else. Those that don’t say “excuse me” when they walk in between you and the thing on the shelf you’re looking at… or the people that don’t say “thank you” after you stepped aside for them to let them walk by to give them extra space. I confess this example is a personal peeve of mine. 

I grew up in the deep south and spent my middle school and early high school years living in a tiny town in Georgia called Madison – population 4,000. In Madison, you were expected to greet those you passed on the street or in the store. Even when driving your car, you knew the social norm was to at least lift a finger… quite literally… on your steering wheel to wave to the passing driver. Otherwise… you were simply regarded as ‘rude’. 

I’m probably too-often triggered by some people’s indifference towards their fellow humans, even when dealing with perfect strangers. But I don’t think I’m alone in the least bit, regardless of my southern upbringing. When you smile… your whole face lights up. Your eyes smile. And that has a real positive impact on whoever gets to see your face in this state. 

Smiling… even when you’re faking it… signals to your brain that you are happy, which sparks your brain’s release of hormones and endorphins, including serotonin and dopamine that increase those good feelings.

Think about how you feel when you exchange a smile with someone. Even a stranger you’re passing. For me, it’s a reminder of how we’re all truly connected as humans, of the power of kindness and warmth, and the emotional impact we have on each other… even while going about our own busy-ness in the routines of our daily lives. 

Just think about the immense power you have to spread joy and love in your community with your kindness, your positive engagement, your encouraging smile, a quick compliment or warm acknowledgement… whatever your style.

There are a lot of people feeling UNSEEN in these complex times, whether they’re feeling isolated, lonely, or simply struggling with their own personal situation. Your smile, your “thank you”, your “excuse me”, your “hey I like your shoes!”… could be the very thing that makes someone’s day. That helps them feel SEEN. And important. And connected to others. So if you’re not doing so already… I lovingly nudge you to SMILE MORE… and say a quick “hello!” Connect more with others, even through small, quick gestures. For when we do… we OURSELVES get to feel and experience the love and kindness we’re giving, which in turn, elevates our OWN emotional state.

Not sure how to shift out of STUCKNESS in your own relationship or marriage at home? I can help, let’s chat: www.JenniferBlankl.com/lets-connect

Client Experiences & Testimonials: www.JenniferBlankl.com/testimonials

Download these 5 POWERFUL, PROVEN CONNECTION EXERCISES to do with your Love Partner TONIGHT to instantly connect and spark positive feelings and emotions you’ve been missing. There’s no cost… download it for free. 

To Your Loving Relationships,

Jennifer Blankl

Certified Relationship & Marriage Coach

Certified Life Coach 

Certified Strategic Interventionist 

Client Testimonials & Experiences

www.JenniferBlankl.com

Certified Relationship & Marriage Coach Jen Blankl, as seen LIVE bi-weekly on Portland’s KOIN News, helps busy professionals & parents ignite connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their relationships so they can feel more respected, understood, and appreciated, all without further exhausting themselves. All within 90 days, without therapy.

Play the Appreciation Game Better… and Score More Win-Wins in your Love Relationship!

I wish you and yours a joyous Thanksgiving holiday this week that may be physically apart, but socially close and connected.

There’s good reason to take pause and hone in on what’s good, right and awesome in our worlds, no matter what’s currently out of our control.

Take the time to express out loud to your loved ones what you appreciate about them. 

BE SPECIFIC, for optimal impact.

Compliments and expressions of appreciation that are specific and concrete, carry far more weight compared to generalizations.

For example, saying, “I really appreciate you”, is a thoughtful and loving expression for sure… but what about this?…

“I really love and appreciate how you’ve taken time lately to listen to my emotional rants without trying to fix my problems. I really feel seen and heard by you when that happens and that feels really comforting to me.”  


Adding as much detail as possible to the appreciation we express feels more authentic and sincere to the receiver.

And when we do this, not only are we making our compliments and appreciations much more meaningful, but we are teaching others precisely what we love and appreciate most. A relationship win-win!

Do you want to feel more appreciated in your own relationship at home? I invite you to apply for a FREE 30-min. Relationship Strategy Call with me to tackle a specific relationship challenge you’re ready to transform.

“It only takes one person to transform ANY relationship!”

CLIENT TESTIMONIALS & EXPERIENCES

Download my FREE e-Book 5 POWERFUL EXERCISES to instantly connect with your partner.


Facebook page “The Art of Fulfillment”
Facebook Support Group, “The Relationship Revolution”
Co-Contributor of “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams”

7 Powerful Ways to Reconnect with Your Love Partner

Your to-do list is very long.

The thought of putting more “work” into your love life or marriage feels exhausting.

But, if you had to be honest, you miss the feelings you used to have when you two first got together. You miss what it was like before your relationship slipped into the “roommate rut”.

Remember when you felt… 

                             excited and turned on… desired and wanted… playful and flirtatious… happy to be in each other’s company?

I know how it feels to want to reconnect and feel that spark again. 

I understand trying to be all things to all people and your love life gets put on the back burner.

What if you could have a taste of what it could be like again?

You CAN. No matter how long you’ve been together, or what you’ve been through.

Here’s a few easy ways to get back to those feelings of love, excitement, fun and intimacy. These 7 POWERFUL EXERCISES will instantly connect you and your partner and help you recapture deeper feelings of connection and spark that you miss and need. Start with one exercise that you like, and build on that.

Tired of being stuck in a relationship rut at home?

Have you already tried therapy or traditional marriage counseling and you’re ready for a new approach?

Apply for a FREE Certified Coaching Call with me to clarify how Coaching can help you, or both you and your partner!

www.jenniferblank.com/help

Client Testimonials

Want more relationship tips, insights and strategies?  Join my private Facebook Support Group, “The Relationship Revolution”

“It only takes one person to transform ANY relationship!”

Cheers to Your Extraordinary Relationships,


Jennifer Blankl
Certified Relationship & Life Coach
Certified Marriage Coach
Certified Strategic Interventionist
JenniferBlankl.com

Co-Contributor of “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams”

Client Experiences & Testimonials

Jennifer helps busy professionals and parents create an exciting, loving, and emotionally fulfilling relationship with the love partner they already have, even when they think they don’t have the time, energy or desire… so that they can feel more connected, supported, appreciated, and respected.

Let’s Talk About…. SEX!!

Never underestimate the importance of sex in your relationship. 

Sure… your sex life isn’t going to be insanely hot all the time.  Your desire for your spouse (and his or hers for you) ebbs and flows through the years as it’s supposed to. HOWEVER… if a lack of sex is hurting or unnerving either or both of you, you owe it to yourselves to find a way to talk about it and break through the barriers.

Physical affection and intimacy is like a double dose of vitamin B12 to a marriage. It can be the very thing to get you guys in to the mental, emotional and physical space where you CAN. FINALLY. RECONNECT. Like, for real.

As soon as one or both partners loses interest in having sex, resulting in an infrequency, or altogether absence of physical intimacy… your relationship is in trouble.

A client of mine who came to me after his wife discovered his sexual affair said the reason he was able to justify “such an atrocious act” is because his wife said that “romantic sex has no place in a marriage” when he would ask why she doesn’t want to have it with him. You won’t catch me condoning or even justifying infidelity.  I also understand from listening to him, that the pain this man feels from a wife not wanting him physically, while taking no interest or responsibility to heal their sexual relationship, was the marriage’s death for the man. Forget about who is to blame for how they got where they are now. It’s the pain of rejection in the bedroom over time that will drive the best of characters to commit crimes of love.

Think about this…    

Without physical intimacy, there’s little difference between your relationship and a fresh salad on the kitchen counter. The only difference between a fresh, crisp, refreshing salad… and garbage… is TIME.  That’s it.  TIME. When it comes to a marriage that lacks sex or regular physical intimacy, it’s only a matter of time before the relationship itself dies. 

Not to be dramatic, but sex is absolutely VITAL to the joy and fulfillment in your relationship or marriage. And when we (especially us women) understand this, and honor this truth, the better we’ll be able to tap in to the power within us to feel and experience a much deeper connection with, not only our partners, but our amazing Selves as well. 

The absence or infrequency of sex or intimacy in a marriage is a significant red flag from my perspective as a Relationship & Marriage Coach.  Of course, it can mean very different things to different people, but having a mutually satisfying sex life is an excellent support system for a healthy, marital relationship. It makes the little day-to-day annoyances so much more bearable. It solidifies the foundation of our marriage so that we’re not so easily shaken. And it allows us go out in to the world and rock it outside of the bedroom because we feel sexy, confident, wanted, desired, loved, craved…. And on and on.

So stop waiting until you’re “in the mood”… or perfectly happy with your spouse to take action in the bedroom. Because, frankly, the stars will never align. 

Surprise your Self and them by being a bit more frisky and flirty today.

Have no clue where to begin to even talk about this stuff with him or her? Are there other challenges at home that need to be healed before you can even wrap your mind around the thought of sex, or simply the ‘sex talk’?! 

Apply for your FREE N0-OBLIGATION 20-minute Certified Relationship/Marriage Coaching Session with me!

www.JenniferBlankl.com

Client Testimonials & Experiences

Want help sparking an immediate shift in your love relationship? Download my FREE eBook: “5 Powerful Proven Exercises My Busy Clients use to UPLEVEL their Marriage.”

To Your Loving Relationships,

Jennifer Blankl
Certified Relationship & Marriage Coach

Certified Life Coach 

Certified Strategic Interventionist 

“Jennifer helps busy professionals & parents ignite connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their relationships so they can feel more respected, understood, and appreciated, all without further exhausting themselves. All within 90 days, without therapy.”

How to Elevate ANY Relationship Experience

Seeing the “higher intention” in what we, and others, do is one of life’s most important strategies.

Ever wonder why a loved one acts or behaves the way they do, even when directed toward you? Perhaps their behavior causes you hurt and pain.  Maybe you feel stuck as far as why they act the way they do.  It feels personal. What gives? 

What if… in these more challenging relationship moments, we were able to ELEVATE the other person by seeing a HIGHER INTENTION in their behavior. 

Don’t think they could possibly have a “GOOD INTENTION” with some of the things they do and choose? 

What if I told you EVERYTHING we do (our thoughts, focus, actions and decisions) are all driven by a HIGHER INTENTION… no matter what the circumstance? 

This may sound like a bunch of woo woo crap… but please allow me to explain.

We all have a higher intention, believe it or not, in all of our functional AND dysfunctional behavior. And that’s to get our human needs met.

All dysfunctional and unwanted behavior stems from an inability to get our own needs met at a higher level, or in a more constructive and productive way. So even when you, or someone in your life is “behaving badly”… it’s all in effort to get these important needs met.

Getting our universal human needs met helps us to PROTECT, PREVENT or PROVIDE something for ourselves, for someone else, or ideally both so that we can experience PLEASURE and avoid PAIN as much as possible.

We’re most of the time not aware of this… since we go about getting our needs met in a mostly subconscious way.

What if the new question became:   

WHAT NEEDS ARE YOU / THEY TRYING TO MEET through their actions and behavior?

When you ask this question instead, you elevate your THINKING, you elevate your mind… and you elevate the other person.  In turn, you elevate your relationship.

You can CHOOSE the meaning you will attach to another’s behavior and choices.

And when we come from a place of CHOICE, we typically show up better for others in our lives by becoming more empathetic and compassionate about exactly where THEY are at instead of relying on our own filters and unconscious judgments. 

Say your wife is nagging you about how you never take her out on date night. Or say she likes to talk your ear off when you get home from work when you just want some peace and quiet!

Or say your husband, or your son, seems more addicted to video games than before and you can’t seem to get their attention the way you used to. Or why your man shuts down on you when you’re trying to express your feelings to him.

When we assume less and get more curious about WHY our love partner, and the key people in our lives act and behave the way they do, make the decisions they make, feel the way they do, think and believe what they do… we deepen our relationships.

It takes very little effort or awareness to judge or assess someone else’s behavior and choices… but when we get better about seeing our own and other people’s behavior through the lense of the “6 Universal Human Needs”, we get better about seeing the HIGHER INTENTION in our own and others’ actions… and can get much better at having meaningful, intentional and deeply fulfilling relationships. 

Our human needs drive all of our functional AND dysfunctional behavior! 

Want to discover which needs YOU, or someone you love, values most? Find out here! https://jenniferblankl.com/what-are-your-top-2-needs/

Want help igniting connection, love, fun and intimacy in your love relationship or marriage? I can help! Let’s jump on a free 20 minute Coaching Consult for you. Schedule your time here:   https://jenniferblankl.com/lets-connect

www.JenniferBlankl.com

Client Testimonials & Experiences

Want help sparking an immediate shift in your love relationship? Download my FREE eBook: “5 Powerful Proven Exercises My Busy Clients use to UPLEVEL their Marriage.”

To Your Loving Relationships,

Jennifer Blankl
Certified Relationship & Marriage Coach

Certified Life Coach 

Certified Strategic Interventionist 

“Jennifer helps busy professionals & parents ignite connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their relationships so they can feel more respected, understood, and appreciated, all without further exhausting themselves. All within 90 days, without therapy.”

Why Putting Your Spouse First Won’t Make Your Marriage Successful

I know you’re stretched thin and overwhelmed.

I know you feel totally exhausted and depleted at times, especially lately.

I know your “To-Do List” is now… endless.

I know you care about those you share your life with.

But what TRULY stops you from taking good care of YOU?

From putting YOU first?

From taking the time and space you need to focus on your SELF… so you can finally recharge, regroup, reflect, whatever.

Self-care isn’t about taking a bath once a week. It’s sooooo much deeper than that.

It involves truly understanding what you need and being able to ask for it from others. It’s living authentically and being your truest self. It’s knowing your triggers and how to manage them so that you can manage your emotions to your, and everyone else’s, advantage.

So, self-care is essential. It’s NON-negotiable.

But most of us treat it like it’s a luxury.

But caring for YOU must come FIRST before you’re going to be successful in your key relationships.

Because if you don’t take care of YOU first… then you’re going to burn out.

Or at best, you will rob yourself of the deeper joy and fulfillment of loving one’s Self as well as their spouse… where everyone’s needs can get met at a higher level.

Putting YOU first will improve your marriage SIGNIFICANTLY.

I promise.

So allow me to be your reminder today to take good care of YOU.

To get in touch with your “joy triggers”… the people, places and things that light you, lift your spirits and allow you the break you need from it all.

You owe it to yourself. And your marriage.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Client Experiences & Testimonials

Criticism… believe it or not… ALWAYS has a higher intention.

“You always put your work over me and our marriage!”

“You never open up and share your feelings with me!”

“You’re TOO EMOTIONAL!”

These are statements commonly expressed by my clients in our relationship and marriage coaching sessions.

It’s got me thinking about the loop of criticism and defensiveness we create… and fuel… when we criticize our partner. Or anyone for that matter.

So what’s criticism anyway? Criticism is when we attack our partner’s character.  “Contempt goes far beyond criticism. While criticism attacks your partner’s character, contempt assumes a position of moral superiority over them“, according to Dr. Jon Gottman.  

When we criticize, our “attacking” words easily trigger the receiver to defend themselves. Then the criticizer gets further triggered by their partner’s defensiveness… and thus the nasty cycle lives on and repeats itself.

Even as toxic as criticism truly is to our relationships and marriages… it comes with a higher intent.

What?! 

Here’s what I mean. Every single criticism has a hidden request. A deeper need or want underneath, just dying to get met.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU’RE THE ONE FEELING CRITICIZED LATELY: When we can become aware of the underneath request to get a need met… our feelings and emotions in response to the criticism itself can transform.

When we can look at a criticism through the lens of “what need are they trying to meet here??”… it can feel a hell of a lot less personal to us. Now we can put the focus back on our partner, rather than on defending our Self.

Want to learn about the six universal human needs and which of the 6 Universal Human Needs you, and your partner, uniquely value most? Learn more and take the assessment here!

HOW TO AVOID CRITICISM, WHEN YOU’RE PARTNER ISN’T CUTTING IT: How difficult has it felt to sit there and listen to what feels like criticism, without defending yourself? Without consciousness and effort… pretty darn difficult.

What about if that person, instead of telling you what they DON’T like about you and your behavior, told you what they DO WANT instead from you?

It sounds so crazy simple, but the fact is, our human default way is to notice and to highlight internally and outwardly what we DON’T WANT. What we don’t like. What is wrong and not yet right. It’s how we solve problems and fix stuff. And ultimately survive. So complaining can have value.

But when it comes to our love relationships, complaining and criticizing is a slippery slope.

Why not get better at expressing that human need or want that’s hiding inside of the criticism by swapping out your “don’t want” dialogue for more DO WANT statements.

Ready to transform your relationship at home? Not even sure if it’s possible? I can help!

I invite you to apply for a FREE 20-minute Strategy Call with me to help you begin an immediate shift, with or without your partner’s involvement.

www.jenniferblankl.com/lets-connect

CLIENT TESTIMONIALS & EXPERIENCES.

To your Extraordinary Relationships,
COACH JENNIFER BLANKL
Certified Relationship & Marriage Coach
Certified Divorce Prevention Coach

www.JenniferBlankl.com

Is this blowup doll living in YOUR house?

Remember this old movie scene from “Airplane”?!

As funny as this blowup autopilot was in the movie “Airplane”, it’s not so funny when you… or your spouse… is stuck in “Auto-Pilot” mode. 

Like when your spouse brings their “boss mode” home from work and doesn’t realize they’re talking to you with the same tone and face expression as they used with their underperforming employee two hours prior.

Or when you feel like your spouse is always looking at their phone, even while pretending to listen to you.

Now our Auto-Pilot deserves a little love and respect. For he/she has good intentions in helping us focus on all we’re responsible for in this super busy life, so we can actually overcome all the distractions around us, get stuff DONE, and be SUCCESSFUL in ALL of our roles both at home, and at work.

So how do we manage our Auto-Pilot in a way that allows us to get full benefit from him or her, while not hijacking our most important relationships at home?

I’d love to suggest…

CREATE… AND EXECUTE… REGULAR, ONGOING RELATIONSHIP RITUALS.


Rituals offer a concrete, action-based way, that we have control over, to ensure we connect with our love partner at home in a consistent, predictable, and more meaningful way.

Rituals can help us meet our six universal human needs.

I’ve seen clients establish all sorts of rituals for their marriages and families including:

  • Connecting DAILY for 15 minutes with clear, intentional guidelines (no TV or phones; no talk of finances, work, kids, chores, in-laws… etc.  (Research shows this daily 15 minutes can really uplevel your connection).
  • Scheduling a weekly date night
  • Playing your favorite board games together on a particular night each week
  • Scheduling physical intimacy
  • Filling gratitude jars with notes of appreciation and gratitude (for both Self as well as Others!)
  • Eating dinner together every night and asking a particular question (ie. “What’s the best thing that happened to you today?”)
  • Friday night dancing in the living room
  • Longer walks together
  • Showering together
  • Volunteering together
  • Learning something new together

What are you struggling with, or wanting more of, in your own marriage? Don’t be shy! I’d love to hear from you!

Also, if you’re wanting or needing help in breaking through a limitation or challenge in your relationship… EVEN if you’ve tried everthing and past therapy and counseling hasn’t worked… I’d love to invite you to apply for a FREE, NO-OBLIGATION 20-minute Strategy Call with me.

Client Testimonials!

Also… I invite you to check out my Facebook page “The Art of Fulfillment” as well as my private Facebook Support Group, “The Relationship Revolution” for support, insights, tools, and strategies to help you ignite connection, fun, excitement and intimacy with your partner at home so you can feel more understood, appreciated and respected!

It takes just one person… to transform ANY relationship!

www.JenniferBlankl.com

Client Testimonials & Experiences

Want help sparking an immediate shift in your love relationship? Download my FREE eBook: “5 Powerful Proven Exercises My Busy Clients use to UPLEVEL their Marriage.”

To Your Loving Relationships,

Jennifer Blankl
Certified Relationship & Marriage Coach

Certified Life Coach 

Certified Strategic Interventionist 

“Jennifer helps busy professionals & parents ignite connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their relationships so they can feel more respected, understood, and appreciated, all without further exhausting themselves. Within 90 days, without therapy.”

THE ENERGY that’s either creating CONNECTION or CONFLICT in your Love Relationship

Are you a strong, go-getter, DO-DO-DO kind of gal?   Are you the kind of woman that loves to get things done, have success and WIN at life and relationships?

If so, this is your beautiful and valuable masculine energy that is at play in you. All women and men possess both masculine and feminine energy to varying degrees. However, when a man or a woman is not aligned with their own core masculine or feminine energy, that results in many painful consequences. It can affect their love relationship or marriage, their family dynamics, their work and business relationships, and their friendships.

Masculine energy is all about being rooted, immovable, knowing what you want, knowing who you are, being focused on the outcome and getting things DONE. Overcoming obstacles is satisfying. Masculine energy is very purpose-driven. There needs to be an end or else you feel adrift. This is why your man may want to “fix” your problems and frustrations when you, as the woman, are just trying to express and feel heard and understood.

The mature masculine man’s purpose is to serve, protect and provide service to others. He’s selfless with values of honor, integrity and freedom. On the flipside, the Immature Masculine Man is about serving his own ego and his own needs first. If you’re lucky enough to have a mature masculine man, then it’s even more crucial for a woman who possesses a lot of strong masculine energy to be able to transition in to her own feminine energy for him. Masculine energy plus masculine energy leads to a fight. So let your man be in his masculine by knowing when to be in your feminine for you and him.

In contrast, Feminine energy is all about OPENNESS, vulnerability, being able to let go and fully release… so that you can fully receive. The mature masculine man needs to feel this openness and ability to receive from his partner to feel he is serving her and providing for her the way a masculine man must in order to be truly purposeful and useful – the way he needs to feel. Feminine energy has nothing to do with how you look… it’s all about your ENERGY… the feeling and the vibe you send out to the world and those you love. Feminine energy is about taking it all in… and not running. It’s about trusting. The opposite of feminine energy is tight, closed off, protected, guarded, withdrawn, controlling and pushing, punishing, and holding back.

I know we all can think of many examples in a current or past love relationship where our partner triggered us, only to find ourselves withdrawing our love, holding on to our anger and choosing to stay mad… all in effort to make the other person pay. We do this to meet our human need for significance, and perhaps even certainty, but only at a short-term, lower level. The raw truth is, however, protecting yourself by abandoning your feminine energy has many negative consequences for you, your partner, and your relationship.

I know this territory all too well personally. I’m a passionate driver, doer, mover and shaker. It serves me well in my work, in my ability to build a successful career as well as at home: getting things done around the house, hustling my boys from here to there, running a household alongside my Relationship Coaching Business. However, this energy has previously hijacked my own dynamic with my husband without me even knowing it. At the time when our marriage was suffering, I had no idea how the masculine and feminine energies truly worked. I didn’t know that me being in my masculine forced my husband OUT of his… which wreaked so much havoc on both of us.

In order to avoid verbal or even physical violence, a man has to move more into his feminine energy… and at its core… this is all in effort to protect their partner.

Doesn’t this make sense? If we strong women don’t learn how to effectively and authentically transition from our awesome masculine energy power into our more open, trusting, vulnerable feminine… then we force our men out of that masculine energy that we crave and need from them.

So with all this said, you may be wondering “Well how the heck do I do that, Jen?!” Here are some wonderful proven strategies that I’ve used in my own transformation as well as with my clients.

STRATEGIES:

  1. THE “FEMININE ASK”:

This is a way we can communicate with our men that gives them an invitation with 2 possible answers: YES or NO. Your man needs to feel like he has a CHOICE. The mature masculine man does not want to be told what to do. He needs to feel that it’s an invitation; a calling to come to your rescue. At it’s core, this choice allows the masculine man to feel purposeful and useful because it’s HIS choice, he’s leading, and he’s coming to your rescue.

 

  1. STOP OFFERING UNSOLICITED HELP TO THE MEN AND BOYS IN YOUR LIFE!:

Starting in childhood, males need to know they can do stuff on their own. They need to know they’re capable of getting it done and overcoming obstacles… on their own. Remember, this is all part of the purposefulness, usefulness they need to feel.

There’s a bit of a double bind here, since women, generally speaking, get joy and fulfillment from nurturing others. Women mostly have good intention here, because we feel like we’re “helping”, “nurturing” and “loving” our men and boys by showing interest and offering our help.

But in the man’s world, an unsolicited offering of help, especially from a woman, sends the message “She thinks I can’t do this on my own”, “She thinks I’m screwing this up”, or “She thinks her way is better.” So even though we have all this good intention in offering the help, it robs our men of the sense that they’re fully capable and in control of getting it done successfully, their way.

  1. MAKE A CONSCIOUS MINDSET AND EMOTIONAL TRANSITION

from work mode to partner mode. Be aware that you need to transition and create your own rituals to ensure you do so. Here are some examples:

  • Sit in your car for a few minutes before entering the house, listen to some of your favorite, uplifting tunes and choose to switch gears.
  • Take a few minutes of alone time from your partner and or family to transition. Let them know what you’re doing and why you need this time! Tell them exactly how much time you’ll need so they can feel certainty around when they get you!
  • Change your clothes! – Put on something that is YOU, yet feminine. Get rid of the frumpy, unflattering sweats you’re attached to! Again, this isn’t about how you LOOK, but how you will FEEL by changing your clothes.
  • Take a bath – relax and soothe yourself all while being vulnerably nude.
  1. 10-SECOND RULE:

Women generally have a need to fill pauses or silences in conversation because it helps us feel like we’re connecting by filling the silence. However, a masculine man can feel cut off by his woman if he pauses and she fills the space. The tricky thing is, women, in general, don’t experience being interrupted the same as men. Ladies, I’m sure you can recall how a lunch or a happy hour with your girlfriends is often filled with overlapping talk. This is usually not about taking the floor or interrupting, but truly about connecting and nurturing the conversation by providing MORE. Men tend to take more time to process their thoughts and prepare for what they will say next so this can feel like an interruption coming from either a woman or a man.

This tool can help remind us to stay present for our partner, let him finish his thoughts and expressions by waiting a full 10 seconds when there is a pause before jumping in again. This will NOT feel natural at first. Pausing this way can feel like an eternity. But trust me, with practice, you will feel your conversations transform and your man will express more.

 

What are your own resistances to exploring your own masculine or feminine energy more?

What are your fears or belief systems that hold you back from nurturing your core energy at a deeper level?

TAKE THE TEST HERE to discover your dominant energy.

 

To Your Loving Relationships,

Jennifer Blankl

Certified Relationship Coach & Divorce Preventionist  /  Certified Strategic Interventionist 
 
“I HELP busy professionals & parents reignite the connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their love relationship so that they can feel more emotionally fulfilled, understood, appreciated, & respected.”  

Client Experiences & Testimonials

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WHY MANY LEAVE THE PARTNER THEY TRULY LOVE…

As a Certified Relationship Coach and Divorce Preventionist, I have the huge honor of working with women and men to help them navigate many different relationship issues such as connecting on a deeper level, improving their communication, reigniting intimacy, navigating their way through conflict and more. And what I have learned is that people strongly consider leaving… or do leave a relationship not because they don’t love the person… but because they have lost  hope that they can get their most significant, most important needs met… with the partner they already have.

As humans, we all share the same six universal human needs that we each must meet on a certain level to feel happy and content on a daily basis. These needs are deep-rooted needs, not merely preferences or desires. If one or more of our most valued needs goes unmet by our love partner for a long enough period of time, we lose hope that we can get that need or needs met inside of our love relationship. What breaks my heart is that most of the time, these needs go unmet because of a simple lack of awareness around what their partner’s needs, especially their most valued needs, are. Our needs also go unmet when we, ourselves, don’t know what our needs are and how we are subconsciously and consciously going about meeting them. Helping my clients assess their own needs, as well as the needs of their partner, is the first crucial step.  This so oftentimes leads to a ton of “AHA” moments and breakthroughs, because here hides the key information about one’s self and one’s partner. It’s beyond empowering and clarifying to get your hands on this information.

With that said, I have found that there is one particular behavior that causes people to lose hope in their love relationship that seems to outweigh all others. And that is an ongoing and general LACK OF PRESENCE. So what I’m saying is that a lack of presence is the biggest cause of unmet needs. Not too much conflict, or financial warfare, or parenting style differences… it seems to come back to How much PRESENCE  each partner feels from the other.

For many women, it’s competing with their guy’s work and “workaholic” nature. For many men, it’s feeling a lack of respect and appreciation from their wife for all they sacrifice. For many, it feels like sitting alone even when their partner is right next to them, because they’re so frequently on their phone, or distracted, from meaningful and genuine connection.

And in my experience as a Coach, it’s the Good Guys… the purpose-driven, loyal, hard-working, responsible, nice guys that are falling pray to a lack of presence. It’s the guy that totally loves his woman and can’t imagine being without her… but he’s not there. Not in the way she needs him to be to feel truly seen, heard, understood and loved. Like so many couples, one or both people have fallen in the trap of being there physically, but not being fully present.

And women are just as guilty of this as well. A busy stretched-thin mom that has nothing left to give at the end of the day after her man comes home from work because she’s depleted.  Or the driven career woman that struggles shutting off “work brain” in order to be present for her family. 

So there’s a lot to be learned about your human needs which essentially defines your human blueprint… the thing that’s driving your every thought, emotion, action and choice in life. The golden nugget that could transform your life and relationship is in discovering what your top needs are and really understanding how your needs are impacting your life and key relationships.

But first must come PRESENCE. Because without presence, we cannot effectively work toward this kind of deeper understanding of ourselves and our partner. We must first become present for our partner to even begin these deeper discoveries, so that’s why it is THE first crucial step in transforming any relationship.

Here are some things you can do beginning TONIGHT to connect with your partner on a deeper level, all while giving them your complete, undivided PRESENCE.

Give this to them even if for just 4 minutes a day (see Exercise #1 in my free E-Book for a solid 4-minute connection exercise!). 

For 5 powerful, proven exercises to instantly connect with your partner, get your free instant download of my e-book HERE! 

Try just 1 of these exercises and get fueled by how it feels!

BOOK YOUR FREE, NO-OBLIGATION 20-Minute RELATIONSHP/MARRIAGE COACHING CONSULT WITH ME NOW. FOR JUST YOU… OR FOR BOTH YOU AND YOUR PARTNER. 

Cheers to your Extraordinary Relationships!

Jennifer Blankl,

Your Certified Relationship, Marriage & Divorce Prevention Coach

www.JenniferBlankl.com

[email protected]