My Plea to the Grumpy People. Or At Least, the Non-Smiling Ones ;).

YOUR SMILE is like

P U R E G O L D. ❤️

Don’t UNDERestimate the power and impact your SMILING FACE has on…

YOU, most importantly ❤️,

Your Love Partner,

Your kids,

Strangers, Etc.

I wanna skip to STRANGERS.

Our families most likely get most of our attention… as they should. And your COMMUNITY needs you too. The people that you don’t know and that don’t know you need you more than you know. (that’s a mouthful)

I’m not one to rant here on FB, but I can’t help but notice the seemingly grumpy people in the grocery store. I’m defining “grumpy” as those shopping in the grocery store that don’t look at or engage with anyone else. Those that don’t say “excuse me” when they walk in between you and the thing on the shelf you’re looking at… or the people that don’t say “thank you” after you stepped aside for them to let them walk by to give them extra space. I know and confess this is my own personal trigger. I grew up in the deep south and spent my middle school and early high school years living in a tiny town in Georgia called Madison – population 4,000. In Madison, you were expected to greet those you passed on the street or in the store. Even when driving your car, you knew to wave to each and every driver that passed you. Otherwise… you were simply regarded as ‘rude’.So yes… I have a major tic when it comes to this subject. I’m probably too-often triggered by some people’s indifference towards their fellow humans, even when dealing with perfect strangers. But I don’t think I’m alone in the least bit, regardless of my southern upbringing. When you smile… your whole face lights up. Our eyes smile. So even when wearing a COVID mask, people can still totally see your smile through the seeable parts of your face.

Think about how you feel when you exchange a smile with someone. Even a stranger you’re passing. For me, it’s a reminder of how we’re all truly connected as humans, of the power of kindness and warmth, and the emotional impact we have on each other… even while simply grocery shopping.

Just think about the immense power you have to spread joy and love in your community with your kindness, your positive engagement, your encouraging smile, a quick compliment… whatever your style. There are a lot of people feeling UNSEEN in these trying times – whether they’re isolated, lonely or downright struggling with their own personal situation. Your smile, your “thank you”, your “excuse me”, your “hey I like your shoes!”… could be the very thing that makes someone’s day. That helps them feel SEEN. And important. And connected to others. So if you’re not doing so already… I lovingly nudge you to SMILE MORE… and say a quick “hello!” Connect more with others, even through small, quick gestures. For when we do… We ourselves get to feel and experience the love and kindness we’re giving, elevating our OWN emotional states.

Not sure how to shift out of STUCKNESS in your own relationship or marriage at home? I can help, let’s chat: www.JenniferBlankl.com/help

Client Experiences & Testimonials: www.JenniferBlankl.com/testimonials

Download my FREE e-Book 7 POWERFUL EXERCISES to instantly connect with your Partner!

Play the Appreciation Game Better… and Score More Win-Wins in your Love Relationship!

I wish you and yours a joyous Thanksgiving holiday this week that may be physically apart, but socially close and connected.

There’s good reason to take pause and hone in on what’s good, right and awesome in our worlds, no matter what’s currently out of our control.

Take the time to express out loud to your loved ones what you appreciate about them. 

BE SPECIFIC, for optimal impact.

Compliments and expressions of appreciation that are specific and concrete, carry far more weight compared to generalizations.

For example, saying, “I really appreciate you”, is a thoughtful and loving expression for sure… but what about this?…

“I really love and appreciate how you’ve taken time lately to listen to my emotional rants without trying to fix my problems. I really feel seen and heard by you when that happens and that feels really comforting to me.”  


Adding as much detail as possible to the appreciation we express feels more authentic and sincere to the receiver.

And when we do this, not only are we making our compliments and appreciations much more meaningful, but we are teaching others precisely what we love and appreciate most. A relationship win-win!

Do you want to feel more appreciated in your own relationship at home? I invite you to apply for a FREE 30-min. Relationship Strategy Call with me to tackle a specific relationship challenge you’re ready to transform.

“It only takes one person to transform ANY relationship!”

Client Testimonials

Download my FREE e-Book 7 POWERFUL EXERCISES to instantly connect with your partner.
Facebook page “The Art of Fulfillment”
Facebook Support Group, “The Relationship Revolution”
Co-Contributor of “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams”

7 Powerful Ways to Reconnect with Your Love Partner

Your to-do list is very long.

The thought of putting more “work” into your love life or marriage feels exhausting.

But, if you had to be honest, you miss the feelings you used to have when you two first got together. You miss what it was like before your relationship slipped into the “roommate rut”.

Remember when you felt… 

                             excited and turned on… desired and wanted… playful and flirtatious… happy to be in each other’s company?

I know how it feels to want to reconnect and feel that spark again. 

I understand trying to be all things to all people and your love life gets put on the back burner.

What if you could have a taste of what it could be like again?

You CAN. No matter how long you’ve been together, or what you’ve been through.

Here’s a few easy ways to get back to those feelings of love, excitement, fun and intimacy. These 7 POWERFUL EXERCISES will instantly connect you and your partner and help you recapture deeper feelings of connection and spark that you miss and need. Start with one exercise that you like, and build on that.

Tired of being stuck in a relationship rut at home? I invite you to apply for a FREE Strategy Call with me to tackle a specific challenge or dynamic you’re ready to transform. This is for you, or for both you and your partner.

www.jenniferblank.com/help

Client Testimonials

Want more relationship tips, insights and strategies?  Like my Facebook page “The Art of Fulfillment” and join my private Facebook Support Group, “The Relationship Revolution”

“It only takes one person to transform ANY relationship!”

Cheers to Your Extraordinary Relationships,


Jennifer Blankl
Certified Relationship & Life Coach
Certified Marriage and Divorce Prevention Coach
Certified Strategic Interventionist
JenniferBlankl.com

Co-Contributor of “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams”

Client Experiences & Testimonials

Jennifer helps busy professionals and parents create an exciting, loving, and emotionally fulfilling relationship with the love partner they already have, even when they think they don’t have the time, energy or desire… so that they can feel more connected, supported, appreciated, and respected.

Let’s Talk About…. SEX!!

Never underestimate the importance of sex in your relationship. 

Sure… your sex life isn’t going to be insanely hot all the time.  Your desire for your spouse (and his or hers for you) ebbs and flows through the years as it’s supposed to. HOWEVER… if a lack of sex is hurting or unnerving either or both of you, you owe it to yourselves to find a way to talk about it and break through the barriers.

Physical affection and intimacy is like a double dose of vitamin B12 to a marriage. It can be the very thing to get you guys in to the mental, emotional and physical space where you CAN. FINALLY. RECONNECT. Like, for real.

As soon as one or both partners loses interest in having sex, resulting in an infrequency, or altogether absence of physical intimacy… your relationship is in trouble.

A client of mine who came to me after his wife discovered his sexual affair said the reason he was able to justify “such an atrocious act” is because his wife said that “romantic sex has no place in a marriage” when he would ask why she doesn’t want to have it with him. You won’t catch me condoning or even justifying infidelity.  I also understand from listening to him, that the pain this man feels from a wife not wanting him physically, while taking no interest or responsibility to heal their sexual relationship, was the marriage’s death for the man. Forget about who is to blame for how they got where they are now. It’s the pain of rejection in the bedroom over time that will drive the best of characters to commit crimes of love.

Think about this…    

Without physical intimacy, there’s little difference between your relationship and a fresh salad on the kitchen counter. The only difference between a fresh, crisp, refreshing salad… and garbage… is TIME.  That’s it.  TIME. When it comes to a marriage that lacks sex or regular physical intimacy, it’s only a matter of time before the relationship itself dies. 

Not to be dramatic, but sex is absolutely VITAL to the joy and fulfillment in your relationship or marriage. And when we (especially us women) understand this, and honor this truth, the better we’ll be able to tap in to the power within us to feel and experience a much deeper connection with, not only our partners, but our amazing Selves as well. 

The absence or infrequency of sex or intimacy in a marriage is a significant red flag from my perspective as a Relationship & Marriage Coach.  Of course, it can mean very different things to different people, but having a mutually satisfying sex life is an excellent support system for a healthy, marital relationship. It makes the little day-to-day annoyances so much more bearable. It solidifies the foundation of our marriage so that we’re not so easily shaken. And it allows us go out in to the world and rock it outside of the bedroom because we feel sexy, confident, wanted, desired, loved, craved…. And on and on.

So stop waiting until you’re “in the mood”… or perfectly happy with your spouse to take action in the bedroom. Because, frankly, the stars will never align. 

Surprise your Self and them by being a bit more frisky and flirty today.

Have no clue where to begin to even talk about this stuff with him or her? Are there other challenges at home that need to be healed before you can even wrap your mind around the thought of sex, or simply the ‘sex talk’?! 

Then apply for a FREE Strategy Call with me and well dive in to your personal sitch and get you relief and a plan.

www.jenniferblank.com/help

How to Elevate ANY Relationship Experience

Seeing the “higher intention” in what we, and others, do is one of life’s most important strategies.

Ever wonder why a loved one acts or behaves the way they do, even when directed toward you? Perhaps their behavior causes you hurt and pain.  Maybe you feel stuck as far as why they act the way they do.  It feels personal. What gives? 

What if… in these more challenging relationship moments, we were able to ELEVATE the other person by seeing a HIGHER INTENTION in their behavior. 

Don’t think they could possibly have a “GOOD INTENTION” with some of the things they do and choose? 

What if I told you EVERYTHING we do (our thoughts, focus, actions and decisions) are all driven by a HIGHER INTENTION… no matter what the circumstance? 

It may sound like a bunch of woo woo bullshit… but stay with me here.

We all have a higher intention, believe it or not, in all of our functional AND dysfunctional behavior. And that’s to get a core human need, or needs, met.

Getting our universal human needs met helps us to PROTECT, PREVENT or PROVIDE something for ourselves, for someone else, or both so that we can experience PLEASURE and avoid PAIN as much as possible.

We’re often not aware of this… since we do it mostly subconsciously – meeting our needs that is. 

What if the new question became:   

WHAT NEEDS ARE YOU / THEY TRYING TO MEET through their actions and behavior?

When you ask this question instead, you elevate your THINKING, you elevate your mind… and you elevate the other person.  In turn, you elevate your relationship.

You can CHOOSE the meaning you will attach to another’s behavior and choices.

And when we come from a place of CHOICE, we typically show up better for others in our lives by becoming more empathetic and compassionate about exactly where THEY are at instead of relying on our own filters and unconscious judgments. 

Say your wife is nagging you about how you never take her out on date night. Or say she likes to talk your ear off when you get home from work when you just want some damn peace and quiet!

Or say your husband, or your son, seems more addicted to video games than before and you can’t seem to get their attention the way you used to. Or why your man shuts down on you when you’re trying to express your feelings to him.

Don’t assume you know why someone is doing what they’re doing!  We need to get more curious about our love partners and the key people in our lives…  there are so many gifts to be had by being more generous with other people’s intentions. 

It takes very little effort or awareness to judge or assess someone else’s behavior and choices… but when we get better about seeing our behavior and other people’s behavior through the lenses of the 6 Universal Human Needs, we get better about seeing the HIGHER INTENTION in our own and others’ actions… and can get much better at having meaningful, intentional and deeply fulfilling relationships. 

Our human needs drive all of our functional AND dysfunctional behavior! 

Want to discover which needs YOU, or someone you love, values most? Find out here! https://jenniferblankl.com/what-are-your-top-2-needs/

Want help igniting connection, love, fun and intimacy in your love relationship or marriage? I can help! Let’s jump on a free 20 minute Coaching Consult for you. Schedule your time here:   https://jenniferblankl.com/help

Why Putting Your Spouse First Won’t Make Your Marriage Successful

I know you’re stretched thin and overwhelmed.

I know you feel totally exhausted and depleted at times, especially lately.

I know your “To-Do List” is now… endless.

I know you care about those you share your life with.

But what TRULY stops you from taking good care of YOU?

From putting YOU first?

From taking the time and space you need to focus on your SELF… so you can finally recharge, regroup, reflect, whatever.

Self-care isn’t about taking a bath once a week. It’s sooooo much deeper than that.

It involves truly understanding what you need and being able to ask for it from others. It’s living authentically and being your truest self. It’s knowing your triggers and how to manage them so that you can manage your emotions to your, and everyone else’s, advantage.

So, self-care is essential. It’s NON-negotiable.

But most of us treat it like it’s a luxury.

But caring for YOU must come FIRST before you’re going to be successful in your key relationships.

Because if you don’t take care of YOU first… then you’re going to burn out.

Or at best, you will rob yourself of the deeper joy and fulfillment of loving one’s Self as well as their spouse… where everyone’s needs can get met at a higher level.

Putting YOU first will improve your marriage SIGNIFICANTLY.

I promise.

So allow me to be your reminder today to take good care of YOU.

To get in touch with your “joy triggers”… the people, places and things that light you, lift your spirits and allow you the break you need from it all.

You owe it to yourself. And your marriage.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Client Experiences & Testimonials

Criticism… believe it or not… ALWAYS has a higher intention.

“You never listen when I’m sharing my feelings with you!”

“Why do you treat me with such disrespect?!”

“Why do you treat me with such disrespect?!”

These questions came up in my recent couples’ sessions. It’s got me thinking about the loop of criticism and defensiveness we create… and fuel… when we criticize our partner.

So what’s criticism anyway? Criticism is when we attack our partner’s character… rather than their specific behavior. Because of our “attacking” words, our partner is often triggered to defend themselves. Then the criticizer just gets more pissed off and triggered by the partner’s defensiveness… and thus the nasty cycle lives on and repeats itself. All while you both wonder what the hell you’re even really fighting about.

I do want to say… even as toxic as criticism truly is to our relationships and marriages… it comes with a higher intent. Always. That’s right. Every single criticism has a hidden request. A deeper need or want underneath, just dying to get met.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU’RE THE ONE FEELING CRITICIZED LATELY: When we can become aware of the underneath request to get a need met… our feelings and emotions in response to the criticism itself can transform. When we can look at a criticism through the lens of “what need are they trying to meet here??”… it can feel a hell of a lot less personal to us. Now we can put the focus back on our partner, rather than on defending our Self. Want to learn about the six universal human needs and which of the 6 Universal Human Needs you, and your partner, uniquely value most? Learn more and take the assessment here!

HOW TO AVOID CRITICISM, WHEN YOU’RE PARTNER ISN’T CUTTING IT: Have you ever noticed how hard it is to listen to someone go off about all that’s wrong in their life… all that’s difficult… messed up… lacking, etc.? And that’s when it’s not even aimed at you! Ok…so what about when IS aimed at you? How difficult has it felt to sit there and listen, without defending yourself. Without consciousness and effort… pretty darn difficult. What about if that person, instead of telling you what they DON’T like about you and your behavior, told you what they DO WANT instead from you? It sounds so crazy simple, but the fact is, our human default way is to notice and to highlight internally and outwardly what we don’t want. What we don’t like. What is difficult and messed up. Because again, a criticism is a request in a clever disguise. So why not get better about expressing that very request underneath by using the DO WANT versus DON’T WANT tool.

Ready to transform a relationship challenge holding you back from having the relationship of your dreams with the partner you ALREADY have?

I invite you to apply for a FREE 45-minute Strategy Call with me to help you begin an immediate shift in your own relationship at home.

www.jenniferblankl.com/help

It takes just one person to transform ANY relationship!

Is this blowup doll in YOUR house?

Remember this guy?!

As funny as this blowup autopilot was in the movie “Airplane”, it’s not so funny when you… or your spouse… is stuck in “Auto-Pilot” mode. 

Like when your spouse brings their “boss mode” home from work and doesn’t realize they’re talking to you with the same tone and face expression as they used with their under-performing employee two hours prior.

Or when you feel like your spouse is always looking at their phone, even while pretending to listen to you.

Now our Auto-Pilot deserves a little love and respect. For he/she has good intentions in helping us focus on all we’re responsible for in this super busy life, so we can actually overcome all the distractions around us, get stuff DONE, and be SUCCESSFUL in ALL of our roles both at home, and at work.

So how do we manage our Auto-Pilot in a way that allows us to get full benefit from him or her, while not hijacking our most important relationships at home?

I’d love to suggest…

Create and Execute RELATIONSHIP RITUALS:

Rituals offer a concrete, action-based way, that we have control over, to ensure we connect with our love partner at home in a consistent, predictable, and more meaningful way.

Rituals can meet all of our six universal human needs for CERTAINTY, SIGNIFICANCE, VARIETY, LOVE & CONNECTION, GROWTH and CONTRIBUTION.

I’ve seen clients establish all sorts of rituals for their marriages and families including:

  • Connecting DAILY for 15 minutes with clear, intentional guidelines (no TV or phones; no talk of finances, work, kids, chores, in-laws… etc.  (Research shows this daily 15 minutes can really uplevel your connection).
  • Scheduling a weekly date night
  • Playing your favorite board games together on a particular night each week
  • Scheduling physical intimacy
  • Filling gratitude jars with notes of appreciation and gratitude (for both Self as well as Others!)
  • Eating dinner together every night and asking a particular question (ie. “What’s the best thing that happened to you today?”)
  • Friday night dancing in the living room
  • Longer walks together
  • Showering together
  • Volunteering together
  • Learning something new together

What are you struggling with, or wanting more of, in your own marriage? Don’t be shy! I’d love to hear from you!

Also, if you’re wanting or needing help in breaking through a limitation or challenge in your relationship… EVEN if you’ve tried everthing and past therapy and counseling hasn’t worked… I’d love to invite you to apply for a FREE 45 Minute Strategy Call with me.

Client Testimonials!

Also… I invite you to check out my Facebook page “The Art of Fulfillment” as well as my private Facebook Support Group, “The Relationship Revolution” for support, insights, tools, and strategies to help you ignite connection, fun, excitement and intimacy with your partner at home so you can feel more understood, appreciated and respected!

It takes just one person… to transform ANY relationship!

“I HATE When She Talks About Her Feelings!”

“I HATE when she talks about her feelings!”

This is what my client John (not his real name) yelled out during his marriage coaching session with me last week.

I was encouraging his wife Jane (not her real name) to try expressing her hurt emotions using “I feel” statements versus the more triggering “YOU” statements in effort to breakthrough a conflict they had been carrying on for about a week.

So I asked Jane to express her feelings and emotions around this conflict using  “I feel” statements rather than the “you” statements she had been using. Jane eagerly and quickly declared “I feel like you (to John) don’t care about us as much as your work!”“I feel like you put work in front of us.”… “I feel like you don’t give a shit about how I feel!”…

AHA!  There it was. As clear as day.

Of course John “HATES when Jane talks about her “feelings”!…    He feels blamed and criticized for her hurt and pain each and every time she expresses how she feels.

Here, Jane is really using “you” statements that are disguised as “I” statements. Because she’s still making statements that are critical and/or blaming of John.

I then asked Jane to dive deeper in to what SHE was feeling and experiencing internally, rather than what she believed HE was feeling or experiencing.

Jane quieted… and took what felt like 30 seconds. I could see her thoughtfully processing her answer. Finally she said,

“When you talk to me in that tone in front of our daughters… I feel like… a failure.” 

Oh my gosh. You should have seen John’s face.

His eyes and face immediately softened, and he literally dove off of the couch and on to the floor, where Jane was lying to ease her back pain). He put his hand on her face, looked in her eyes, kissed her, and reassured her awesomeness and failure-lessness in the sweetest, most insistent way.  I almost felt guilty for watching.

Several times he said, “I had NO IDEA you felt like a failure when I did this!”.

These are the moments I live for in my coaching sessions.

The “AHA!” moments…. the breakthroughs…. the moments where I know a couple will never be the same. Because they’ve taken new action in their relationship, which has allowed them to FEEL a new way of being and doing in their relationship. And that is truly transforming. For the long term.

That feeling John got from hearing Jane’s “I feel” expression, made him jump off the couch and onto the woman he loves… because in that moment he got to see her truth. He was able to feel her vulnerability and her openness to him. He felt a surge of empathy and compassion for her because he wasn’t preoccupied with defending himself. He was able to hear what she was truly feeling and experiencing mentally and emotionally, outside of any blame or criticism toward him. That allowed him to take action from the compassion he could then feel for her, and help her feel better fast.

And there’s the huge difference. “I feel” statements, when used properly, are powerful expressions that lead to deeper understanding, more compassion, and more empathy for each other. That feels way better. Yes, it takes practice. Yes, it will always be tempting to use “you” statements in the heat of our inevitable battles. But the better we can get at expressing our own internal feelings (sadness, anger, fear, guilt, etc), the more we expand our opportunity to grow individually and as a couple and experience deeper connection and understanding.

I have extensively studied and taught this communication strategy in my private sessions with my clients as well as in my workshops and trainings. I highly respect and study Marshall B. Rosenberg’s work. I recommend his book “Nonviolent Communication” as a resource that will transform the way you communicate with your self and others.

To Your Extraordinary Relationships, 

Jennifer Blankl

Certified Relationship Coach
Certified Marriage Educator
Certified Divorce Preventionist

“I HELP busy professionals & parents reignite the connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their love relationship so they can feel more emotionally fulfilled, understood, appreciated, & respected.”  

CLIENT EXPERIENCES & TESTIMONIALS

Schedule a coaching conversation with me here!

Join the “RELATIONSHIP REVOLUTION”!:  a Private Facebook Group for WOMEN serving you with powerful and proven insights, strategies and tools to help you have more fun, excitement and fulfillment in your love relationships!

OTHER READINGS:
The Most Effective Way to Track the True Level of Joy and Fulfillment in ANY Relationship

Why Many Leave the Partner They Truly Love

The Energy that’s creating either CONNECTION or CONFLICT in your Love Relationship

THE ENERGY that’s either creating CONNECTION or CONFLICT in your Love Relationship

Are you a strong, go-getter, DO-DO-DO kind of gal?   Are you the kind of woman that loves to get things done, have success and WIN at life and relationships?

If so, this is your beautiful and valuable masculine energy that is at play in you. All women and men possess both masculine and feminine energy to varying degrees. However, when a man or a woman is not aligned with their own core masculine or feminine energy, that results in many painful consequences. It can affect their love relationship or marriage, their family dynamics, their work and business relationships, and their friendships.

Masculine energy is all about being rooted, immovable, knowing what you want, knowing who you are, being focused on the outcome and getting things DONE. Overcoming obstacles is satisfying. Masculine energy is very purpose-driven. There needs to be an end or else you feel adrift. This is why your man may want to “fix” your problems and frustrations when you, as the woman, are just trying to express and feel heard and understood.

The mature masculine man’s purpose is to serve, protect and provide service to others. He’s selfless with values of honor, integrity and freedom. On the flipside, the Immature Masculine Man is about serving his own ego and his own needs first. If you’re lucky enough to have a mature masculine man, then it’s even more crucial for a woman who possesses a lot of strong masculine energy to be able to transition in to her own feminine energy for him. Masculine energy plus masculine energy leads to a fight. So let your man be in his masculine by knowing when to be in your feminine for you and him.

In contrast, Feminine energy is all about OPENNESS, vulnerability, being able to let go and fully release… so that you can fully receive. The mature masculine man needs to feel this openness and ability to receive from his partner to feel he is serving her and providing for her the way a masculine man must in order to be truly purposeful and useful – the way he needs to feel. Feminine energy has nothing to do with how you look… it’s all about your ENERGY… the feeling and the vibe you send out to the world and those you love. Feminine energy is about taking it all in… and not running. It’s about trusting. The opposite of feminine energy is tight, closed off, protected, guarded, withdrawn, controlling and pushing, punishing, and holding back.

I know we all can think of many examples in a current or past love relationship where our partner triggered us, only to find ourselves withdrawing our love, holding on to our anger and choosing to stay mad… all in effort to make the other person pay. We do this to meet our human need for significance, and perhaps even certainty, but only at a short-term, lower level. The raw truth is, however, protecting yourself by abandoning your feminine energy has many negative consequences for you, your partner, and your relationship.

I know this territory all too well personally. I’m a passionate driver, doer, mover and shaker. It serves me well in my work, in my ability to build a successful career as well as at home: getting things done around the house, hustling my boys from here to there, running a household alongside my Relationship Coaching Business. However, this energy has previously hijacked my own dynamic with my husband without me even knowing it. At the time when our marriage was suffering, I had no idea how the masculine and feminine energies truly worked. I didn’t know that me being in my masculine forced my husband OUT of his… which wreaked so much havoc on both of us.

In order to avoid verbal or even physical violence, a man has to move more into his feminine energy… and at its core… this is all in effort to protect their partner.

Doesn’t this make sense? If we strong women don’t learn how to effectively and authentically transition from our awesome masculine energy power into our more open, trusting, vulnerable feminine… then we force our men out of that masculine energy that we crave and need from them.

So with all this said, you may be wondering “Well how the heck do I do that, Jen?!” Here are some wonderful proven strategies that I’ve used in my own transformation as well as with my clients.

STRATEGIES:

  1. THE “FEMININE ASK”:

This is a way we can communicate with our men that gives them an invitation with 2 possible answers: YES or NO. Your man needs to feel like he has a CHOICE. The mature masculine man does not want to be told what to do. He needs to feel that it’s an invitation; a calling to come to your rescue. At it’s core, this choice allows the masculine man to feel purposeful and useful because it’s HIS choice, he’s leading, and he’s coming to your rescue.

 

  1. STOP OFFERING UNSOLICITED HELP TO THE MEN AND BOYS IN YOUR LIFE!:

Starting in childhood, males need to know they can do stuff on their own. They need to know they’re capable of getting it done and overcoming obstacles… on their own. Remember, this is all part of the purposefulness, usefulness they need to feel.

There’s a bit of a double bind here, since women, generally speaking, get joy and fulfillment from nurturing others. Women mostly have good intention here, because we feel like we’re “helping”, “nurturing” and “loving” our men and boys by showing interest and offering our help.

But in the man’s world, an unsolicited offering of help, especially from a woman, sends the message “She thinks I can’t do this on my own”, “She thinks I’m screwing this up”, or “She thinks her way is better.” So even though we have all this good intention in offering the help, it robs our men of the sense that they’re fully capable and in control of getting it done successfully, their way.

  1. MAKE A CONSCIOUS MINDSET AND EMOTIONAL TRANSITION

from work mode to partner mode. Be aware that you need to transition and create your own rituals to ensure you do so. Here are some examples:

  • Sit in your car for a few minutes before entering the house, listen to some of your favorite, uplifting tunes and choose to switch gears.
  • Take a few minutes of alone time from your partner and or family to transition. Let them know what you’re doing and why you need this time! Tell them exactly how much time you’ll need so they can feel certainty around when they get you!
  • Change your clothes! – Put on something that is YOU, yet feminine. Get rid of the frumpy, unflattering sweats you’re attached to! Again, this isn’t about how you LOOK, but how you will FEEL by changing your clothes.
  • Take a bath – relax and soothe yourself all while being vulnerably nude.
  1. 10-SECOND RULE:

Women generally have a need to fill pauses or silences in conversation because it helps us feel like we’re connecting by filling the silence. However, a masculine man can feel cut off by his woman if he pauses and she fills the space. The tricky thing is, women, in general, don’t experience being interrupted the same as men. Ladies, I’m sure you can recall how a lunch or a happy hour with your girlfriends is often filled with overlapping talk. This is usually not about taking the floor or interrupting, but truly about connecting and nurturing the conversation by providing MORE. Men tend to take more time to process their thoughts and prepare for what they will say next so this can feel like an interruption coming from either a woman or a man.

This tool can help remind us to stay present for our partner, let him finish his thoughts and expressions by waiting a full 10 seconds when there is a pause before jumping in again. This will NOT feel natural at first. Pausing this way can feel like an eternity. But trust me, with practice, you will feel your conversations transform and your man will express more.

 

What are your own resistances to exploring your own masculine or feminine energy more?

What are your fears or belief systems that hold you back from nurturing your core energy at a deeper level?

TAKE THE TEST HERE to discover your dominant energy.

 

To Your Loving Relationships,

Jennifer Blankl

Certified Relationship Coach & Divorce Preventionist  /  Certified Strategic Interventionist 
 
“I HELP busy professionals & parents reignite the connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their love relationship so that they can feel more emotionally fulfilled, understood, appreciated, & respected.”  

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