Doesn't it feel DOWNRIGHT TRIGGERING when someone tells you how YOU feel?!
Nobody loves being spoken for. Whether at work, or at home.
Take for example… your easily-angered employee that keeps hijacking the better mood of the office with the way he reacts to challenging personnel and scenarios. What could shift if that person was asked a thought-provoking question.
“What do you need right now?”…
“What kind of help could you use in this moment?”
“How’d you get to that conclusion?”
“What motivated you to make that decision?”
NOW you have a more productive and useful exchange.
Now by ASKING these questions versus making statements and declarations about what another person is doing and WHY… now we provoke the SOLUTION-MAKING part of our psychology that wants to fix problems and have answers to questions, while dramatically reducing feelings of criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling… the four deadly horsemen when it comes to our relationships.
And what about at HOME…. how good are you about ASKING YOUR LOVE PARTNER QUESTIONS for clarity and understanding when it comes to their internal reality versus statements about what they feel, think and believe?
“He doesn’t want to do fun adventurous things on the weekends. He’d rather do the yard work.”
“She doesn’t care about physical intimacy with me. I wish she wanted that as much as I do.”
Although there’s a higher intention at play by saying these things (ie. you’re downright missing quality time and attention from your spouse!) it’s likely the receiver will go straight into defensive, or shut-down mode to protect themselves against the judgment and criticism they feel.
POWERFUL QUESTIONS spark a different kind of expression and dialogue that can breed understanding, compassion, and empathy.
“Would you be willing to_____________?”
“What do you think about/how do you feel about____________?”
“I really would love to____________ with you. Would you be willing to try_____________?”
“What makes you think that?”
I’m not saying questions make it all go smoothly… but your chances of getting the positive result your after skyrocket.
So uplevel ANY relationship by replacing your statements with questions!
Want help sparking an immediate shift in your love relationship at home but not sure what to DO? Download these 5 PROVEN connection exercises my hardworking clients use to uplevel their marriages and create an instant shift.
Are you struggling in your own relationship and need a different approach after failed counseling and therapy? I can help. Apply for your free 20-minute NO-OBLIGATION relationship strategy call with me and let me help you get some relief through restored hope, a different perspective and a prescribed strategy or tool for you to take action with after our call.
To Your Loving Relationships,
Certified Relationship & Marriage Coach
Certified Life Coach
Certified Strategic Interventionist
“Jennifer helps busy professionals & parents ignite connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their relationships so they can feel more respected, understood, and appreciated, all without further exhausting themselves. All within 90 days, without therapy.”