Don’t Be a Dinner Disaster Director

Remember the old movie “Edward Scissorhands”? It’s a classic favorite of mine.

Edward barely talked.. but his hands were sharp scissors. Which reminds me with humor how sometimes, the topics or the way we show up energetically at the dinner table… can feel just as threatening as having dinner with a silent person wielding weaponized hands.

My family and I eat dinner together at the table most nights. Evening sports practices get in the way of this effort for sure… but we eat together around the table otherwise. Eating dinner together has immeasurable benefits to your connection as a family, or as a couple… and if you have kids, the data around how eating together contributes to kids’ wellness is immense.

And yet that wonderful opportunity to connect after a long day over a meal can get instantly hijacked by just one single triggering topic.

In my marriage, as mom, I’m the “softer” parent and my husband is the driver. He’s an incredible dad to our two high school boys. The other night at the dinner table, my husband asked our high schooler about his homework. As soon as we started talking about a certain test coming up… and how he isn’t at all prepared… it quickly spiraled into a full-blown debate over what needs to get done by when.

At this point, dinner was a battleground. And everyone’s emotional state was now in the red.

This play-out reminds me of the immense value of our intention when it comes to HOW we spend time with people we care about and love. Anyone can spend time together. Sure, we can check the box anytime we want on “spending time” together. But what about ensuring that time is spent in a certain quality way? What makes time together ‘quality’ differs by person and by couple of course. For me, I want dinner time to be time we all come together and talk about our day or share whatever is going on in a way that connects us. Discussing responsibility and unfinished homework at our family’s dinner table is like pouring gasoline onto a fire, so we benefit from a rule, or a boundary, or whatever you wish to call it (because words are important!) that we cannot talk about homework at the dinner table anymore.

Importantly, be specific and clear about when you will return to the table on whatever topic you’re tabling to connect better at dinner. It’s not about avoidance of the topic… it’s about timing and intention.

Are there specific guidelines you can put in place to bring more peace and love to your own dinner table at home… no matter who you share company with?

Are you struggling in your own relationship and need a different approach?

I can help.

Apply for your free 20-minute NO-OBLIGATION relationship strategy call with me and see how coaching can help you.

To Your Loving Relationships,