Tag: relationships

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The Three Kinds of People in Your Life…

What’s been happening in your CLOSER RELATIONSHIPS these past couple of years?

 

For the far majority of my clients, as well as for me personally, at least one major key relationship has been forever changed because of an inability to navigate different perspectives and differences of opinion in a way that preserves your connection.

When we have a close relationship transform for the worst, it can really hijack us emotionally.

Us human creatures have a deep-rooted need to feel connected to, close to, accepted by, affirmed by, included, agreed with… etcetera etcetera… by other human beings.

So when an important relationship becomes challenged and strained… our world can feel hugely hijacked no matter how solid and great some of our other close relationships are.

Because relationships are deeply PERSONAL, when they go awry we can humanly make it personal.

So how can we DEFINE what’s going on in a way that leaves our hearts and minds intact?

People, friends, family, acquaintances, etc. can leave us feeling a wealth of unwanted emotions, all stirred by the way they show up… or don’t show up for us.

 

Some people are not able to, or not wanting to support what we personally are excited about in our lives, in our own personal growth or in the changes we make in our lives and in our relationships. It’s not that they don’t want to… they just may not fully understand.

When we experience this in a key relationship, we tend to react in one of two ways:

  1. We shrink and play small, or go back to our old ways to prevent rocking the boat with friends and family.

  1. We tell others to F off and get all righteous. Then frustration sets in because we’re fighting with people we really care about because they’re not showing up for us the way we really want them to. 

Where do either of these two common responses leave us? Not where we really want to be. Because we’re either not being our true authentic selves, or we’re in conflict, whether outwardly or inwardly, with people we need the most.

So how do we better DEFINE so that we can better MANAGE our relationship experience with other people when we cannot control their behavior or how they’re showing up for us?

There are 3 GROUPS OF PEOPLE in your life:

  1. Toxic People: Negative people in your life who tend to leave you feeling depleted rather than filled up and elevated. You can’t change them. Protect yourself from toxic people with boundaries for you – it’s not healthy to endure a toxic dynamic. Again, most importantly, you are not going to change them. 

  1. Your Right-Hand People (your GROWING hand): These are the people that grow with you, lift you up and cheer you on. These people include your closest friends that know your darkest secrets and love you more for them.  Your mentor, your coach, therapist,teacher, trainer, the people you engage with the most in your professional network).  These people are those that challenge you to the next level, encourage you, inspire you, and support you. Surround yourself with these people!  Get filled up here with inspiration and positivity from these folks!

  1. YOUR Left-Hand People (your GIVING hand): These precious folks often include those that have KNOWN YOU THE LONGEST and likely make up for the largest percentage of people in your life. And the largest amount of your grief and suffering. Totally kidding.

These friends and family may not (and commonly don’t) fully get your growth, and may annoyingly challenge any updates on your end about the awesome changes you’re making in your life. But this doesn’t mean they deserve to be abandoned (Most of the time, at least. ;)). This is where YOU GIVE unconditional love and compassion exactly where THEY are.  Appreciate and honor where they are. You don’t need to fix it, or try to change them. Relieve yourself of this, already!

RELATIONSHIP PAIN happens…

when you expect your LEFT-HAND People to think, feel and act like your RIGHT-HAND People do with you.

For example…

When we give unsolicited advice to our friends, they can feel rejected or judged by us. 

When we share our career success excitement with a parent who doesn’t give us the response back we’re expecting and craving. It can feel like rejection and disinterest… but it could be more the fact that this parent should be in your LEFT-HAND… but you’re wanting and expecting RIGHT-HAND treatment.

This is all fluid and can change at any time.

 

For example, a toxic person in your life could hit rock bottom, make massive changes and earn their way back into your Friends and Family hand. Or, a professional friendship turned close friend… or your Love Partner, could become both a right hand person, as well as a left hand person for us. 

So in recap, why is this important to understand?

  • Knowing who you are hanging out with and which HAND they belong in helps us better manage our expectations of others and how we feel about how they do or don’t show up for us.

  • Reduces the pain and suffering we feel from unmet expectations that can’t possibly be met in our closer relationships.

  • Helps us manage the way WE OURSELVES show up for others.

DO THIS EXERCISE!:

As you go through the transforming process of personal growth, you will have key people in your life that want to share their opinions and advice with you with very good intention. However it’s vital to be cautious whose advice you act upon since it’s difficult for those giving the advice to have all perspectives and insights they need to ensure their advice is right for you.

 

Who belongs in your right hand?

 

Who belongs in your left hand?

 

Who is currently your source of relationship advice / support?

 

Is this person’s advice sound?

 

If so, why?

 

If not, why?

Need help transforming your relationship with the Love Partner you already have?

Need a different approach?

I can help. Let’s talk!

Apply for your FREE 30 minute Certified Relationship/Marriage Coaching Consult with me!

www.JenniferBlankl.com/Help

www.JenniferBlankl.com

Client Testimonials & Experiences

Want help sparking an immediate shift in your love relationship? Download my FREE eBook with 5 proven exercises for connecting more deeply with your love partner. 

Download them HERE… and commit to doing one tonight with your Love Partner!

Also, I invite you to join my Facebook Group “The Relationship Revolution” for proven insights, strategies, and empowering perspectives to help you spark massive change at home.

To Your Loving Relationships,

Jennifer Blankl
Certified Relationship Coach

Certified Marriage Coach & Divorce Preventionist

Certified Strategic Interventionist 

Certified Life Coach

“Jennifer helps busy professionals & parents ignite connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their relationships so they can feel more respected, understood, and appreciated, all without further exhausting themselves.”

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For the WOMEN that say “MY MAN IS MY ROCK”…

For the WOMEN that say “MY MAN IS MY ROCK”…

Maybe you don’t need this reminder… but in case you do… I’m here to serve this one up today because I’m being reminded of it myself in my own marriage.

Men who are labeled “ROCKS” are oftentimes given such an honorable title because of one or more of these things:

a masculine sense of stability, security, strength in presence and conviction, self-control, LOGIC over EMOTION, a protective nature,
demanding respect that has been earned.
And on and on.

Yet… so often and so humanly so… us women want that same ROCK OF A MAN to be “more EMOTIONAL”, “more OPEN and VULNERABLE”… “better in tune with the kids”, “more intuitive with what I need”, “better able to know ______ without me having to tell him”, “more calm”, “more fun”, and on and on.

This creates CONFUSION for men!!

Now, wait a second… I’m not letting men off the hook here with practicing tapping in their “softer side”… or exploring their own vulnerability and openness more… because indeed this WILL enhance your love relationship at home NO DOUBT.

What I’m saying is… WOMEN… DON’T FORGET the rock foundation from which your man is operating from in those moments he’s NOT showing up, or able to show up, for you the way you really need and want him to.

Help him become softer when YOU need him to be… through responding to him as the ROCK he is… rather than the SOFTER guy you may want at that moment, but that is not your partner’s baseline spirit.

ROCKS are rocks because they are, they do, and they provide what ultimately feels SOLID and UNSHAKEABLE.

So allow your ROCK of a man the opportunity to soften so that you don’t turn him into a turtle before he gets the chance to.

NEED HELP IN YOUR OWN LOVE RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE… but needing a DIFFERENT APPROACH with the accountability that gets you the big results you want and need?

I help busy couples ignite connection, intimacy & joy even when they feel they don’t have the time, energy or desire so they can stop living like roommates within 90 days without further marriage counseling or therapy that doesn’t work. 

Need help transforming your relationship with the Love Partner you already have?

I can help. Let’s talk!

Apply for your FREE N0-OBLIGATION 20-minute Certified Relationship/Marriage Coaching Session with me!

www.JenniferBlankl.com/lets-connect

www.JenniferBlankl.com

Client Testimonials & Experiences

Want help sparking an immediate shift in your love relationship? Download my FREE eBook: “5 Powerful Proven Exercises My Busy Clients use to UPLEVEL their Marriage.”

To Your Loving Relationships,

Jennifer Blankl
Certified Relationship & Marriage Coach

Certified Life Coach 

Certified Strategic Interventionist 

“Jennifer helps busy professionals & parents ignite connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their relationships so they can feel more respected, understood, and appreciated, all without further exhausting themselves. All within 90 days, without therapy.”

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Celebrate Your Self More.

Ever feel like you’re on auto-pilot… even when good things are happening?

How often do you work so hard for a certain result or outcome, but when you successfully make it all happen,  you breeze right through your moment of accomplishment and quickly move on to the next thing you gotta do… or achieve… or fix… or whatever? 

And so you miss out on feeling that sense of success and accomplishment. Which is huge for our self confidence, self-worth, and motivation. 

How can you reward yourself even better for each small and big success you create in your daily life?

Research shows that our ability, as well as how often we feel we’re MAKING PROGRESS or SUCCESSFULLY ACHIEVING something… has a strong and direct impact on our experience of JOY inside of ourselves.

Our ability to experience these sensations is completely determined by how we define “success” and “progress”.

How do YOU define “success” and “progress”?

How do you determine if you’re being successful in a key relationship, or in a job, or with your kids??

For example…

Are YOU defining your success… or is someone else?

Does it need to be a completed task, or can it be something that is in progress?

Must it come from a prior set goal?  Or can it be those unexpected, perhaps even unintended, ‘successes’ that you’re creating or contributing to… but maybe you’re not currently recognizing?

Must it be something challenging to you? 

Or can it be something you’re good at, that you can do with ease, but that contributes to someone else, or the greater good?

As an action strategy… I encourage you to set yourself up with a “Celebration Jar” that you enter a note in to at least once a day, to help you take pause so you can better recognize, with greater appreciation, those many successes you are indeed creating, but may not be celebrating!

Need help transforming your relationship with the Love Partner you already have?

I can help. Let’s talk!

Apply for your FREE 30 minute Certified Relationship/Marriage Coaching Consult with me!

www.JenniferBlankl.com/Help

www.JenniferBlankl.com

Client Testimonials & Experiences

Want help sparking an immediate shift in your love relationship? Download my FREE eBook with 5 PROVEN CONNECTION EXERCISES for More Deeply Connecting with your Partner”… without further exhausting yourself. 

Join my Facebook Group “The Relationship Revolution” for proven insights, strategies, and empowering perspectives to help you spark massive change at home.

To Your Loving Relationships,

Jennifer Blankl
Certified Relationship & Life Coach

Certified Marriage Coach & Divorce Preventionist

Certified Strategic Interventionist 

“Jennifer helps busy professionals & parents ignite connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their relationships so they can feel more respected, understood, and appreciated, all without further exhausting themselves.”

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THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY to TRACK THE TRUE LEVEL OF JOY & FULFILLMENT IN ANY RELATIONSHIP!!

What would life be like if you truly felt SEEN and UNDERSTOOD by your partner?

What if you could resolve those recurring conflicts in your personal or love relationship once and for all so you get on with enjoying yourself more and those you care about and love?

What if you could understand what truly motivates you to … or prevents you from… taking certain actions in your life that could meet your needs at a higher level?

Let me give you the GOLDMINE OF TRUTH HERE when it comes to what your deepest, truest driving forces are in your life and in all of your relationships…

WHY WE DO WHAT WE DO:    THE 6 UNIVERSAL HUMAN NEEDS

Understanding the 6 human needs and which needs we, and those we love, value most, is life’s most important strategy.

When we get clear on what our own needs are and get better at meeting our needs at a higher level, or in a positive way that is good for our overall well-being… then we experience deeper fulfillment and joy inside of ourselves.

IN RELATIONSHIP TO OTHERS:

The 6 Human Needs are the most effective way to track the level of happiness and fulfillment in any human relationship. When you understand which of the needs are most important to a person, and how that person satisfies their most important needs, you understand what brings them pleasure or pain. You also understand what’s truly driving that person and motivating them to take the actions they take, and even feel the feelings they feel.

Usually, for each person, two of these needs prevail over all the others. A person’s top 2 needs are experienced so intensely that the person will do almost anything to satisfy those needs. When you identify the two most important needs, you are discovering a person’s driving motivation, what gives meaning and motive to a person’s life… their life blueprint!

 In marriage or any committed intimate relationship, each person must be aware of the other person’s needs in order to know what’s going on. Not knowing a partner’s needs inevitably leads to frustration and disappointment since even though a person may feel that he/she is giving everything, they are not giving what the other person really needs, in the way that the other person needs it. The challenge is that people’s deepest needs are often extremely specific and can be tricky to discern – it’s like a “secret button.” If spouses never find each other’s secret button, the relationship will feel difficult, and even impossible. If couples find the secret button and figure out how to give each other what each truly needs at the highest level, they will be able to generate levels of trust, happiness and love more profound than they ever thought possible.

The 6 Human Needs was developed by Tony Robbins, the father of the coaching industry, and Cloe Madanes, a world reknowned psychologist and psychotherapist, who both trained and certified me as a Life & Relationship Coach, Marriage Educator and Divorce Preventionist. I’m grateful to have learned this tool in a critical moment of my own marriage.

HERE’S MY STORY…

When my husband lost an 11 year job through no fault of his own when I was pregnant with our first son, I had no clue what was happening to him as a person and as a “mature masculine man”, because I didn’t understand his needs, nor my own. So I blamed him. I blamed him for the way he was showing up for me, the way I felt he wasn’t treating me right or connecting with me the way I needed. Instead of showing up with love and support when he was already down, I showed up with resistance, defensiveness, even contempt. I failed miserably to understand how his most valued needs were attached to his significance, success and certainty at work, while my most valued needs revolve around growth and love & connection. Because his top needs were no longer being due to his job loss, he wasn’t able to give me love and connection the way I needed it, because, ironically, it’s our human need to meet our most valued needs first before we can address the less valued needs.

Becoming an expert in the 6 human needs transformed me, the way I show up for my husband, the way I think and feel about him, the way I react to him, and the choices I make regarding how I show up for him. This, in turn, allowed him to be the man and partner I needed and wanted, even through the immense pain and challenges he was facing at the time.

I’m beyond grateful for having learned this tool and I teach it with determination and passion to my private individual and couple clients as well as in my workshops and company trainings in hopes that it can help those I serve even if just a small fraction of how it’s helped me!

HERE ARE THE 6 HUMAN NEEDS:

All humans universally share these needs. What makes each and every one of us so unique is that we each value two needs out of the six. Whatever our top two needs are completely and directly determine our thoughts, our feelings, our choices, our ACTIONS… and ultimately our destiny. Your success in any human relationship, including the relationship you have with your SELF… hinges on your ability to discover which needs you and the other values most and what has to happen (your “rules”) to meet those needs. When spouses learn this, they will find the secret button that brings on love and happiness. A marriage never breaks up when the partners are meeting all of their partner’s needs at a high level.

CERTAINTY

Certainty that we can be comfortable – to have pleasure and avoid pain. Comfort, security, safety, stability, feeling grounded, predictability and protection.

UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY

Variety and challenges that exercise our emotional and physical range. Our bodies, our minds, our emotional well-being all require exertion through instability, exercise, suspense, entertainment, and surprise, as well as fear, conflict, and crisis.

SIGNIFICANCE

Every person needs to feel special, important, needed and wanted, admired, that our lives have a special purpose and meaning. Pride, importance, achievement, performance, perfection, evaluation, discipline, standards and competition.

LOVE & CONNECTION

Everyone needs connection with other human beings and everyone strives for and hopes for love. Togetherness, inclusion, passion, unity, warmth, tenderness and romance.

GROWTH

Everything is either growing or dying. Nothing is stagnant. We need to constantly develop and expand ourselves emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.

CONTRIBUTION

We all desire to go beyond our own needs and give to others. Everything in the universe contributes beyond itself or is eliminated.

The first 4 Needs, Certainty, Uncertainty/Variety, Connection/Love and Significance, are essential for human SURVIVAL. They are the fundamental needs of the personality – everyone must feel that they have met them on some level in order to survive. The last two needs, Growth and Contribution, are essential to human FULFILLMENT. They are the needs of the spirit, and not everyone finds a way to satisfy them, although they are necessary for lasting fulfillment.

Because we humans share the same nervous system, everyone experiences the same 6 Human Needs. However, everyone finds different ways of satisfying each of these needs. Also, each of these needs can be met in ways that are positive – increasing the wellbeing of ourselves and others, or negative – decreasing the wellbeing of ourselves and others.

Here are examples of both positive and negative ways a person could meet each of the 6 human needs: The need for Certainty can be met by going to school and obtaining a degree, or by avoiding challenges or risks that lead to our growth. The need for Uncertainty / Variety can be met by reading about different subjects or meeting different kinds of people, or by engaging in high-risk sports or violent behavior. Some ways of satisfying these needs are good for the person’s well-being, good for others and good for society, while other ways decrease or sacrifice well-being for everyone. The need for Connection/Love can be satisfied through good deeds and kindness or by domination of others who are forced to show appreciation. The need for Significance can be met by being the best at something, or by having the biggest problem. Similarly, one can Grow and become a better person… or a more successful criminal. And one can Contribute to the well-being of many… or the downfall of another person.

Understanding our human needs brings empowering clarity to our lives by giving us awareness and choice in how we go about creating more joy & fulfillment in our lives and most valued relationships.

WANT TO DIVE DEEPER…

in to your personal relationship scenario or challenge to better understand your own or your partner’s human needs blueprint?

I INVITE YOU…

to connect with me over video or phone for 20 minutes so you can get immediate relief with a perspective shift that will inspire you to TAKE NEW ACTION with yourself, your partner, and your family by knowing and understanding your human needs blueprint! 

SCHEDULE YOUR NO-OBLIGATION COACHING CONVERSATION WITH ME HERE!

Cheers to Your Extraordinary Relationships,

Jennifer Blankl

Certified Relationship Coach & Divorce Preventionist

Client Experiences & Testimonials

Ladies! Join “THE RELATIONSHIP REVOLUTION”, a fun, free and private Facebook Community serving you with insights, strategies and tools you need to have more fun, excitement and fulfillment in all of your relationships!

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DON’T EVER DO THIS AGAIN in YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.

Have you ever received a super long text or email from someone who is expressing their deepest opinions, emotions, feelings, and thoughts about you, or your relationship? MAN. I gotta admit… this one is straight up triggering for me!

Since when did we decide as a human race to chop ourselves off from all of the gifts we give and receive when we afford ourselves and others LIVE, HUMAN INTERACTION? How many of us pick up the phone to talk to someone in our world LIVE instead of texting or emailing them? It’s become a nuisance, a pain, a chore-like feeling to get on the phone and have a real, human vulnerable exchange with someone face to face or live voice to live voice.   When we communicate openly and live with someone, we get to feel, see, hear, smell and taste everything…. Their tone of voice… their facial expressions… their body language… ALL OF IT. This is the GIFT! Sure, this requires more of our own TIME (here’s how to get MORE time), energy, focus and attention to have these live interactions with others. But that’s time, energy and attention well spent. Because in those moments of live interaction, we learn the most about ourselves. We learn the most about the other person because we can SEE THEM. We can HEAR THEM. We can FEEL THEIR ENERGY.

The digitized written word has no tone, body language, audible expression, or seeable emotion. The recipient is merely left high and dry. Alone. On their own to interpret 93% of the other person’s communication. Which, in most cases, is interpreted incorrectly… which leads to severe misconceptions, mis-interpretations, a host of unwanted and unintended feelings… and the list goes on. Research proves only 7% of our communication is our words and language. The much heavier and more valuable 93% includes our tone of voice, our very telling body language, and facial expressions.

So truth be told, if you’re not having a live conversation with someone when it comes to something about your relationship, a disagreement or difference of opinion, or anything that is meaningful and requires an exchange… then you are avoiding something. And whatever you’re avoiding comes with a life and relationship-altering consequence. Because you’re robbing yourself and the other person of full, authentic communication. We cannot possibly understand one another through the written word alone. We need the other stuff too… the 93%. That’s what makes the world go round. Not 20 texts in your inbox, or 50 comments on your Facebook post… it’s about REAL, LIVE human interaction. The good stuff. The meat of life.

So love yourself and those in your world better by offering up a bigger dose of living, breathing live conversations with those you care about. Exercise your vulnerability muscle. Put yourself out there with others more often. Sure, it may feel awkward or even difficult… but I assure you the more you connect live with others, the more you reach out, the more time you give to have meaningful, conversations where you gift others with your presence… you’ll be fuelled to do it more often. Because it will feel good. Live human interaction full of presence is the biggest gift we can give to ourselves and others.

Here are 2 STRATEGIES to help you shift your communication habits so you can feel more joy, and more fulfillment in your daily life!:

  1. NEVER text or email about your Relationship! Make this your new rule. Whether it’s your spouse or significant other, your parents, your friends… Anything relationship-related must be done LIVE! No exceptions.
  2. Make shorter phone calls to your family and friends. I know it’s way quicker to text. But try calling and saying “Hey, I’ve only got 3 minutes… but I wanted to call you real quick and say_________________ “. Set it up at the beginning of the call so you don’t have to feel the pressure and discomfort of needing to get off sooner than later.

Remember… it only takes 1 person to transform any relationship! You deserve more joy and fulfillment in your life!

Cheers to your Extraordinary Relationships!

Jennifer Blankl

Certified Relationship, Marriage & Divorce Prevention Coach

Client Experiences & Testimonials

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