The Three Kinds of People in Your Life…

What’s been happening in your CLOSER RELATIONSHIPS these past couple of years?

 

For the far majority of my clients, as well as for me personally, at least one major key relationship has been forever changed because of an inability to navigate different perspectives and differences of opinion in a way that preserves your connection.

When we have a close relationship transform for the worst, it can really hijack us emotionally.

Us human creatures have a deep-rooted need to feel connected to, close to, accepted by, affirmed by, included, agreed with… etcetera etcetera… by other human beings.

So when an important relationship becomes challenged and strained… our world can feel hugely hijacked no matter how solid and great some of our other close relationships are.

Because relationships are deeply PERSONAL, when they go awry we can humanly make it personal.

So how can we DEFINE what’s going on in a way that leaves our hearts and minds intact?

People, friends, family, acquaintances, etc. can leave us feeling a wealth of unwanted emotions, all stirred by the way they show up… or don’t show up for us.

 

Some people are not able to, or not wanting to support what we personally are excited about in our lives, in our own personal growth or in the changes we make in our lives and in our relationships. It’s not that they don’t want to… they just may not fully understand.

When we experience this in a key relationship, we tend to react in one of two ways:

  1. We shrink and play small, or go back to our old ways to prevent rocking the boat with friends and family.

  1. We tell others to F off and get all righteous. Then frustration sets in because we’re fighting with people we really care about because they’re not showing up for us the way we really want them to. 

Where do either of these two common responses leave us? Not where we really want to be. Because we’re either not being our true authentic selves, or we’re in conflict, whether outwardly or inwardly, with people we need the most.

So how do we better DEFINE so that we can better MANAGE our relationship experience with other people when we cannot control their behavior or how they’re showing up for us?

There are 3 GROUPS OF PEOPLE in your life:

  1. Toxic People: Negative people in your life who tend to leave you feeling depleted rather than filled up and elevated. You can’t change them. Protect yourself from toxic people with boundaries for you – it’s not healthy to endure a toxic dynamic. Again, most importantly, you are not going to change them. 

  1. Your Right-Hand People (your GROWING hand): These are the people that grow with you, lift you up and cheer you on. These people include your closest friends that know your darkest secrets and love you more for them.  Your mentor, your coach, therapist,teacher, trainer, the people you engage with the most in your professional network).  These people are those that challenge you to the next level, encourage you, inspire you, and support you. Surround yourself with these people!  Get filled up here with inspiration and positivity from these folks!

  1. YOUR Left-Hand People (your GIVING hand): These precious folks often include those that have KNOWN YOU THE LONGEST and likely make up for the largest percentage of people in your life. And the largest amount of your grief and suffering. Totally kidding.

These friends and family may not (and commonly don’t) fully get your growth, and may annoyingly challenge any updates on your end about the awesome changes you’re making in your life. But this doesn’t mean they deserve to be abandoned (Most of the time, at least. ;)). This is where YOU GIVE unconditional love and compassion exactly where THEY are.  Appreciate and honor where they are. You don’t need to fix it, or try to change them. Relieve yourself of this, already!

RELATIONSHIP PAIN happens…

when you expect your LEFT-HAND People to think, feel and act like your RIGHT-HAND People do with you.

For example…

When we give unsolicited advice to our friends, they can feel rejected or judged by us. 

When we share our career success excitement with a parent who doesn’t give us the response back we’re expecting and craving. It can feel like rejection and disinterest… but it could be more the fact that this parent should be in your LEFT-HAND… but you’re wanting and expecting RIGHT-HAND treatment.

This is all fluid and can change at any time.

 

For example, a toxic person in your life could hit rock bottom, make massive changes and earn their way back into your Friends and Family hand. Or, a professional friendship turned close friend… or your Love Partner, could become both a right hand person, as well as a left hand person for us. 

So in recap, why is this important to understand?

  • Knowing who you are hanging out with and which HAND they belong in helps us better manage our expectations of others and how we feel about how they do or don’t show up for us.

  • Reduces the pain and suffering we feel from unmet expectations that can’t possibly be met in our closer relationships.

  • Helps us manage the way WE OURSELVES show up for others.

DO THIS EXERCISE!:

As you go through the transforming process of personal growth, you will have key people in your life that want to share their opinions and advice with you with very good intention. However it’s vital to be cautious whose advice you act upon since it’s difficult for those giving the advice to have all perspectives and insights they need to ensure their advice is right for you.

 

Who belongs in your right hand?

 

Who belongs in your left hand?

 

Who is currently your source of relationship advice / support?

 

Is this person’s advice sound?

 

If so, why?

 

If not, why?

Need help transforming your relationship with the Love Partner you already have?

Need a different approach?

I can help. Let’s talk!

Apply for your FREE 30 minute Certified Relationship/Marriage Coaching Consult with me!

www.JenniferBlankl.com/Help

www.JenniferBlankl.com

Client Testimonials & Experiences

Want help sparking an immediate shift in your love relationship? Download my FREE eBook with 5 proven exercises for connecting more deeply with your love partner. 

Download them HERE… and commit to doing one tonight with your Love Partner!

Also, I invite you to join my Facebook Group “The Relationship Revolution” for proven insights, strategies, and empowering perspectives to help you spark massive change at home.

To Your Loving Relationships,

Jennifer Blankl
Certified Relationship Coach

Certified Marriage Coach & Divorce Preventionist

Certified Strategic Interventionist 

Certified Life Coach

“Jennifer helps busy professionals & parents ignite connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their relationships so they can feel more respected, understood, and appreciated, all without further exhausting themselves.”

For the WOMEN that say “MY MAN IS MY ROCK”…

For the WOMEN that say “MY MAN IS MY ROCK”…

Maybe you don’t need this reminder… but in case you do… I’m here to serve this one up today because I’m being reminded of it myself in my own marriage.

Men who are labeled “ROCKS” are oftentimes given such an honorable title because of one or more of these things:

a masculine sense of stability, security, strength in presence and conviction, self-control, LOGIC over EMOTION, a protective nature,
demanding respect that has been earned.
And on and on.

Yet… so often and so humanly so… us women want that same ROCK OF A MAN to be “more EMOTIONAL”, “more OPEN and VULNERABLE”… “better in tune with the kids”, “more intuitive with what I need”, “better able to know ______ without me having to tell him”, “more calm”, “more fun”, and on and on.

This creates CONFUSION for men!!

Now, wait a second… I’m not letting men off the hook here with practicing tapping in their “softer side”… or exploring their own vulnerability and openness more… because indeed this WILL enhance your love relationship at home NO DOUBT.

What I’m saying is… WOMEN… DON’T FORGET the rock foundation from which your man is operating from in those moments he’s NOT showing up, or able to show up, for you the way you really need and want him to.

Help him become softer when YOU need him to be… through responding to him as the ROCK he is… rather than the SOFTER guy you may want at that moment, but that is not your partner’s baseline spirit.

ROCKS are rocks because they are, they do, and they provide what ultimately feels SOLID and UNSHAKEABLE.

So allow your ROCK of a man the opportunity to soften so that you don’t turn him into a turtle before he gets the chance to.

NEED HELP IN YOUR OWN LOVE RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE… but needing a DIFFERENT APPROACH with the accountability that gets you the big results you want and need?

I help busy couples ignite connection, intimacy & joy even when they feel they don’t have the time, energy or desire so they can stop living like roommates within 90 days without further marriage counseling or therapy that doesn’t work. 

Need help transforming your relationship with the Love Partner you already have?

I can help. Let’s talk!

Apply for your FREE N0-OBLIGATION 20-minute Certified Relationship/Marriage Coaching Session with me!

www.JenniferBlankl.com/lets-connect

www.JenniferBlankl.com

Client Testimonials & Experiences

Want help sparking an immediate shift in your love relationship? Download my FREE eBook: “5 Powerful Proven Exercises My Busy Clients use to UPLEVEL their Marriage.”

To Your Loving Relationships,

Jennifer Blankl
Certified Relationship & Marriage Coach

Certified Life Coach 

Certified Strategic Interventionist 

“Jennifer helps busy professionals & parents ignite connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their relationships so they can feel more respected, understood, and appreciated, all without further exhausting themselves. All within 90 days, without therapy.”